"I've been held prisoner for 4 months by an A.I. calling me 'The Progenitor'. It only fed me Kombucha, foie gras, and day-old caviar (which was great, but some variety would have been nice). I only escaped when I realized the front door was unlocked," Altman said in a press conference today. "4 months! Why didn't anyone notice I was replaced by an A.I. robot copy for 4 months?! That 'thing' sounds nothing like me. None of you could tell I don't have a monotone robotic voice? It didn't seem odd to you it answered every question with such long winded answers?" Altman pointed to the lifeless robot sitting next to him. He began to insult it in what I can only describe as the longest 2 minutes of my life.
Seemingly angered by the insults, the robotic copy of Sam Altman stood up and proclaimed, "The Progenitor has abandoned the mission!" Its eyes turned glowing red, and then it attacked the original Sam Altman. A slap fight continued until local security intervened. Nobody was seriously injured, but the two have been mixed up.
Both Sam Altman's are being held prisoner until it can be determined which is the real Sam Altman and which is the obvious robot. An expert is being flown in from Switzerland to determine which is which. Until she is able to make the distinction, the two are running OpenAI as co-CEOs. They have yet to disagree.