Following the news that Allbirds has sold off its shoe brand and pivoted to being an A.I. company, every other company in the world has decided to do the same thing. This is a surprise to absolutely no one since that's where all the money is right now.
At the same time around the world, every company has announced they are selling off their assets to get in on A.I. in some form or another. From the global logistics companies, to theme parks, to your neighborhood pawn shops, every single company that exists is getting in on selling A.I. to the masses. We're told no one is doing this to copy the latest fad, it's just one big coincidence.
Speaking on the basis of anonymity, one executive said, "We've wanted to pivot for a while, but didn't know how to turn a multinational fast food chain into the next big A.I. company. Now that one company has proven the model, we're confident we can do it too. We're working with our franchise partners to convert their restaurants into miniature A.I. Datacenters in every neighborhood. We expect our customers to be proud of our transition and smile whenever they see those Golden Arches™ because we're powering the future."
One Meta executive chimed in to say, "Amateurs. They say they want to pivot, but they're not willing to go all the way. Most of them won't spend tens of millions of dollars changing their company name to fit the new mission. Are we going to get Artificial McTelligence? Carl's Jr's Agent? Hardee's Promptee's? A.I. King? In-N-Out Data Processing? Five Guys and an Algorithm? Dairy Queen of RAG? Sonic Drive-and-LLM-In? Habit Burger Featuring A.I.? Steak 'n Shake Transforms? Damn, I could really go for a burger right now. I wish my local White Castle hadn't shut down for repeated health violations last month. But they'd probably be a White-List LLM Access Castle right now anyway."
At press time, most of those fast food chains have announced their names will change to what the Meta executive said off the cuff. We are waiting to hear back from Five Guys.
Update: Five Guys has responded and confirmed they will instead be changing their name to "1 Guy and 4 Agents".