Staff

The staff at globalGlob(**/*) is made up of a crack team of specialists. Each with their own skills that, individually, are just okay. But when combined, better than okay. For their safety we have withheld their true identities, and instead give a brief profile. Below is everyone who works at globalGlob(**/*) in order of importance.

• The Journalist

  The leader of our award winning team is a classically trained journalist who studied at Yale. After developing a drinking problem reporting on too many unjust turkey pardons, she met our CISO in the natural habitat of a CISO, a dive bar. When we heard she was looking for a job, we said we weren't hiring. But when we learned she was desperate, we gave her the lowest offer we thought we could get away with. Health and dental included.

• The Dog

  He's such a good boy. Yes he is! Demands belly rubs from everyone, and only farts in the intern's cubicle. 12/10

• The Robot

  His real name is Savva Volkov, but don't tell him we said that because he's kinda scary. He takes care of the hard stuff around here like getting interviews with sketchy sources, and reaching the mugs on the top shelf. We call him The Robot because of his stern face. But that could be from growing up as an embedded developer in Soviet Russia, where LED blinks you. He keeps saying that, but we don't know why.

• The Intern

  He's not a real intern. We just call him that because we don't pay him. He checks all sources to keep our stories factual. Personal Quote: "Someday I will be Kenough."

• The Boss

  Some say he got that nickname from being a gang leader for 12 years. Others say it's from being a a Subway sandwich shop manager. Either way, the name stuck and we have to use it. He finds leads to investigate.

• The Developer

  Our content is aimed at developers, so it's good to have a software developer on the team. This loser uses Windows in light mode. What a dweeb. We ask him what certain words mean to software nerds, like Memory Leak or Computer Mouse.

• The Freelancers

  These are all the people who write for globalGlob(**/*) but aren't on the staff. They research and write articles on their own time. Often missing holidays and their children's recitals. Like Uber for news. They work tirelessly so the rest of the staff can take Fridays off. From all of us at globalGlob(**/*), we thank them for their sacrifices.

• Everyone Else

  This is everyone else on the team we didn't want to call out individually. Taylor, Brett, Clara, Daisy, Bryan, and the rest.